Even My Imagination Runs Wild
Posted by Rich Presta on 06/14/08 in Uncategorized
Long time no talk!
Sorry I didn’t get the chance to write last week.
As some of you may know, my wife has been expecting our second child and I’m happy to say that we finally had him (albeit a little late) and our home is once again filled with such lovely newborn sounds like crying (the baby and me sometimes if I’m really tired), coffee pots continually brewing, and annoying musical sounds from every type of rocking, swaying, and vibrating toy and contraption imaginable.
But now I’m back, a little sleepy still, but back.
And as luck would have it, I’ve got a story to tell.
I’ll be honest, for the past 6 months or so, I’ve been terrified.
Not anxious, not scared. Terrified.
Of having another baby in the house.
Would it be too much? Would I be able to handle it?
When my wife was in labor, and we were on our way to the hospital, I was a wreck.
But you know what? As soon as it all started, I forgot about myself and wasn’t nervous anymore at all.
And when I got home with the baby, it was tough, but not scary at all. Actually a little bit fun. I was surprised at how well I was able to handle it.
I felt kind of like Super-Dad. Two kids? No problemo.
And it got me thinking, isn’t that always the way it is with what intimidates us?
Isn’t the anticipation of the event we fear always worse than actually doing it?
Aren’t we ALWAYS able to handle it?
If you’re afraid of driving on the highway, it’s always worse in your imagination.
If you’re scared to go over that bridge because you’re not sure if you could handle it, guess what? You can.
Don’t let your wild imagination replace reality. Reality is rarely that bad.
Don’t mistake your fearful thoughts for a crystal ball. What you’re imagining almost certainly won’t come true.
Remember, the anticipation is almost always worse than doing it.
And when you’re out there doing it, cruising down the highway, going over the bridge, ask yourself, “Is this what I feared?”
You’ll see that the reality isn’t that bad and that all that energy you spent being scared was a giant waste of time.
Ok, babies crying, gotta run.
Go do what you’re afraid if, it won’t be that bad, I promise. The Driving Fear Program can make it even easier.
Rich
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Kim | Jun 16, 2008 | Reply
Hi Rich:
I have started your program and am slowly making progress. I have begun to apply the techniques and they are working. One small thing I am still trying to figure out though…maybe you can help. How do you force yourself to drive on the highway or over the bridges knowing what symptoms are coming your way? You are correct the symptoms are very predictable but it’s knowing what is coming that scares the heXX out of me. Any suggestions would be welcomed to get past that initial “I can’t” phase. Congratulations on the new baby and thank you for all your help!
Rich Presta | Jun 16, 2008 | Reply
I admit at first it can be tough, but you have no remember that even though the symptoms are awful and scary, they’re not dangerous, just uncomfortable. You may think they’re going to hurt you, or make you go crazy, or have a heart attack, but that’s just another symptom of anxiety. They won’t hurt you.
Tell yourself, “Rich promised” if you have to the first few times, until you can promise and trust yourself.
It’s also a big reason why you need to take it slow at first. Just go one exit, then two, etc. Take it in small doses and be WILLING to have the symptoms so you can practice relaxing through them with the techniques in the program.
You need to experience some symptoms in order to overcome them.
melissa | Jun 17, 2008 | Reply
Congratulations on the new baby! and thanks for the well timed email. Im doing a solo flight today out of my comfort zone. I did it all last week with my husband in the car, but my anticipation of it is getting the better of me this morning, so thanks for the email.
Susie | Jun 17, 2008 | Reply
Rich - there is nothing like the sounds and smells of a new baby - congrats…techniques are helping but my anticipation of “losing it” while drive a ton of steel is my biggest fear -I am going to try more today…and to practice being authentic
melissa | Jun 17, 2008 | Reply
I don’t mean to jump in for rich here, but he’s probably changing a diaper.
I think of my “ton of steel” as a suit of arms. I fully encased and safe. Safer than I would be walking down the street fully exposed.
Rich Presta | Jun 17, 2008 | Reply
Melissa has an excellent way of looking at it, it goes to show that the same thing can mean something different depending on your perspective.
Is it anxiety or excitement?
Just depends on your perspective.
And thanks for all the congrats. I can do without the sounds at 3AM and a large portion of the smells however….
Rich
sharmila | Jun 17, 2008 | Reply
Hi Rich,
Hearty Congratulations. One of my friends says having a baby is like taking a pain shot on one arm and pleasure shot on another arm at the same time.. Its a out of the world pleasure to look at the new born..that bundle of innocence and yes..its a pain to drag oneself out of bed at 3 A.M. Congratulations once again.
Enjoy the baby.
Sharmila.
Therese | Jun 17, 2008 | Reply
Congrats, Rich!!!!
Kim - What really helped me was the thought popping. I really had to work on it, though. It takes a while, but all of a sudden I caught myself thinking good things about driving OR better yet, not really thinking about driving. You also need to have faith in yourself. I found I wasn’t “expecting” the fear to come on, but knowing that if it did, I could handle it. I can’t say that I’m totally comfortable as of yet, but I will be
Good luck!
Roberta | Jun 17, 2008 | Reply
My best wishes to you and your family! Since I’m a grandma (young one!) I can attest to the joy of seeing my grandson grow as well. He’s 3 now and time does go so quickly. Babies are just so precious. Their little hand wrapped around your finger is so overwhelming beautiful.
Susie | Jun 17, 2008 | Reply
I totally liked the “different” perspective point of view about drive my ton of steel…and the thought popping is helping…I am going to put up stickies on my dashboard and all over the house to remember to practice this exercise. My safe place is Maui…ah!
Kim | Jun 17, 2008 | Reply
Thanks for the reply to my post. I am working on changing my thoughts. Some days are better than others and the anticipation is definitely worse than the actual trip alot of the time. This website has been such a blessing to me! I thank everyone for their help and I will be looking here for tips from others who share my phobia often. Good luck to all of you!
Lin | Jun 17, 2008 | Reply
Hey Rich Thanx for the encouragment!
Joan | Jun 17, 2008 | Reply
Congrats on your baby. I was on my way home (in my comfort zone of course) and there he was the flag man. A detour out of my comfort zone. My heart began to race, I was sweating and needed to put my airconditioner on full blast before I would pass out. But I did it! Without thinking I knew I had to find myself out of the maze and I did. I did not think, I just reacted. I notice when I think too much I drive at my worse.Rich you are absolutely right, you can’t give too much attention to a fear that does not deserve it!!!!
LaVera | Jun 17, 2008 | Reply
Rich, congratulations on your new baby! I know exactly what you mean about the fear you had about a second child. I felt the same way before my second of two children was born THIRTY-FOUR years ago.
I got over that fear much quicker than it seems to have taken me to get over the fear of driving, which I developed much later in life. However, you’ll be happy to hear that I have almost conquered that fear too. I still have more progress to make, but I’ve come a long way and know that complete success is just around the corner. Thanks!
jhal | Jun 18, 2008 | Reply
Hey Rich ,
Congratulations on your second child. I tell you, you really put thjings in perspective for me. I want you to know that since I eve been following your techniques, I have been driving confidently. Thank you so much.
Amanda | Jun 19, 2008 | Reply
Rich,
Congratulations from me too! That was a great analogy to use, because everyone’s had a major event in life that they worried about far more than was necessary. It’s something I think we can all relate to driving, but probably never thought about before. Hope you get some sleep soon!
Amanda
Rose | Jun 19, 2008 | Reply
Hey Rich
Congratulations hope the baby is keeping you busy. I am still struggling trying to get on the road. I hope some day I can get my confidence back, Thanks for all the encouraging words.
Sharon | Jun 19, 2008 | Reply
Dear Rich,I would like to take the opportunity to thank you for publishing a wonderful book.My Pschologist and I have been practicing the tecniques and I have been driving at the normal speed limit.I am back on the road and I even drove out of my comfort zone.I have been out of work now for two months and I have made the decision to return to work and conquer my anxiety and fear of driving.I have some tips if you would like to know about them.They helped me alot.My pschologist and I have driving sessions.I hope 0ne day to see you on the road.
Sharon | Jun 19, 2008 | Reply
Dear Rose,you will be back on the road soon.Please don’t rush or get upset,because you will see that driving in your neighborhood each day and taking it a step farther,you will see how you will gain confidence.I have a wonderful pschologist and support from my friends who experienced anxiety and panic d/o just like me don’t give-up.Please put God first and you will see a change in your mental status
Rich Presta | Jun 19, 2008 | Reply
Awesome job Sharon, Woo Hoo!
Shoot me an email to rich@drivingfear.com, I’d love to hear your story.
Christine | Jun 21, 2008 | Reply
Hi Rich,
You are lucky to have a new baby in the house. I have two kids of my own, they’re big now; in their twenties but I would not change a thing. They were both beautiful babies and a handful at the same time.
In exchange for the help you’re giving me, through the program, I have a tip for you. The sounds the baby hears while in the womb are the sounds that will relax him outside the womb. If your wife listened to loud music while she was pregnant then there’s a good chance loud music will relax the baby now. For one of my daughters it was the vacuum cleaner.
Wish you all the best,
Christine
Rich Presta | Jun 21, 2008 | Reply
Thanks for the tip!
I guess he will find the sounds of soap operas very relaxing then!
Anna | Jun 23, 2008 | Reply
Congratulations from me too Rich!
I was wondering why there wasn’t any news from you for a while! I really look forward to the emails! Babies sure will keep you busy! How fun! I miss my kids at that age. Mine keep me busy now that they are in all sorts of activities.
If you recall, I was going to start to drive to work and was not sure if I should yet or not. Well, I did!! I finished the rest of the school year by driving myself!! It was definitely not perfect. I still had anxiety attacks, but I made it through! I loved the independence. I began seeing a psychologist who has been giving me the EMDR treatment. It is similar to your methods. However, I have a hard time thinking of a relaxing, safe place.
I have seen him twice already and have another appointment this week. I have confidence that with this and your methods, I will someday get better.
I agree with your comments that your mind makes you think that things are worse than they really are….this is what helped me to keep driving, along with the motivation that I want to be an independent driver and be able to go where I want, when I want. Also, I find that I am worse when I feel life is stressing me out. This is why the breathing techniques help!
I hope these thoughts will help someone.
Best of luck with the baby!!
Anna
Kim | Jun 25, 2008 | Reply
Hey Everyone:
Only had a couple of anxious moments which I was able to control. I’m looking forward to the next milestone soon! Thanks Rich for your fabulous program!!!
Just had to share a small success. I have been practicing the program for a couple of weeks now and today I drove with my kids 30 miles on the highway round trip! It felt good to get some independence back
Rich Presta | Jun 25, 2008 | Reply
Whoo Hoo!
Great job! Imagine where you’ll be in a month!
Rich
Kim | Jun 29, 2008 | Reply
One more little step complete! Today I decided to go on another practice run. There was a minor setback for me late last week but I received an email from Rich that helped me get back out there and try it again. This is such a hard battle to fight but someday I will win! My success of the day was to start out at my “home exit” of the highway and go 3 exits North, get off the highway and go back past my home exit 3 exits South. In the process I went over 2 freeway overpasses, scary but I made it!! I keep telling myself ROAD!! Thanks again. This forum is helping me sort it all out by writing