How To Handle A Monster In Your Closet
Posted by Rich Presta on 07/22/08 in Uncategorized
People I talk to with driving anxiety are always afraid of losing control, being hurt, or going crazy while driving.
Of course, when you really peel the fear apart like we do in the
Driving Fear Program, that’s usually a big part of what you’re
REALLY afraid of. It’s not the driving so much, it’s what you tell
yourself driving in a certain situation will lead to.
“But, Rich, if I drive over that big bridge and can’t get off when I want my anxiety will get to the point where I’ll lose control!”
“No way Rich, if I get on the highway I just KNOW that I’ll go crazy and drive into the ditch and kill everyone in the car.”
“If I’m more than 10 miles from my house it’ll make me slam on my brakes for no reason with a big semi truck behind me and then I’ll be dead and it’s all because of you Rich. You’re a bum.”
See, and you thought you were the ONLY one with those types of
thoughts, huh?
Sorry, I’m sure you’re special for others reasons…but that isn’t
one of them.
But what’s funny is that the same people aren’t afraid of going
crazy or losing control in the shower.
It makes me scratch my head and wonder…
What’s the different between your car and the shower?
See, it doesn’t make sense. Losing control, going crazy, and that
sort of stuff doesn’t depend on geography or on what activity
you’re performing at the time.
If you’re going to lose control of your senses, or whatever you’re
afraid of, you wouldn’t be ok everyplace else but the car.
People with genuine mental illness (not anxiety or phobias) that do
“crazy” things aren’t ok some places and not ok in others.
Replace “car” or “driving” with something else and let’s see if it
makes sense. I’ll highlight the part I changed.
“My Uncle Bob is just fine and dandy but as soon as he starts hopping on a pogo stick he loses his mind and would hurt his loved
ones.”“I work with this guy who is great at his job and is really smart and creative, but for some reason whenever he gets into a hammock he goes temporarily insane and will punch you in the face for no reason because he loses control over his body.”
“It’s a funny thing. If I eat pudding in my neighborhood I’m ok, but if I try it 25 miles away I just might slip into a mental illness and never be the same again.”
I’m not doing this to make fun of your thoughts, I had the same
ones and more and know how REAL they feel at the time, but it’s
good to realize that they’re silly, even if they FEEL real.
So what’s changing in the car to make you feel the way you are?
Your thoughts. How you talk to yourself. How you’ve trained
yourself to react.
It’s all a story you’ve told yourself so often you’ve come to
believe it. Like my 3 year old daughter believes in the tooth
fairy and that there’s a monster in the closet.
But when I open the closet door and SHOW her that there’s no
monster there, she sees the truth and her mind is at ease and she
can drift off to sleep.
The next night I may have to do it all over again, she doesn’t
trust the truth she learned the first time.
But after a few nights, she believes there’s no monster in the
closet. She’s changed her beliefs.
So here’s what I want you to do. Next time you’re in the car and
you get scared that there’s a monster in your closet, open the door.
Be brave, even if you’re SURE the monster is real and what you fear
will come pouring out.
Open the door.
See the truth.
When you have the courage to open the door a few times, you’ll know
it was always an illusion.
There never was a monster.
tag this
Frank Pettinato | Jul 22, 2008 | Reply
Rich,
Thanks so much for this, it really is great. The power of the mind to “create” danger is amazing. I find that in most situations the danger I have created for myself is MUCH greater than an actual danger.
It is interesting that we are so controlled by our fears, when we should be moving forward and not letting our fears control us.
As I become better and better at this program and I learn to focus my mind on what I am doing, I know that I will overcome my fear of driving one day soon.
Thanks so much,
Frank
JoLynn | Jul 22, 2008 | Reply
Rich,
I had a councelor once who told me “feelings aren’t fact”. It has been a very helpful phrase for me during the last 4 years of a 20 year battle with panic and anxiety. Although I am terrified to drive alone out of my town, I know one day I will overcome this and really learn that “feelings aren’t fact”
Thanks!
Christine | Jul 23, 2008 | Reply
What you say is true. When I first started practicing driving around this very quiet block I was anxious as hell. I was sure I’d just freak out while going around a corner or if a car happened to come the other way but, nervous as I was, I didn’t freak out in either cases. Now I’m more relaxed than I’ve been in a long time (even as a passenger) and it won’t be long before I’ll be driving to the shop.
Rich Presta | Jul 23, 2008 | Reply
“Feelings aren’t fact”
That’s good.
In fact, I’m going to use it and claim it as my own
Seriously though, it’s amazing how much impact one good sentence firmly implanted in our head can effect us, positively or negatively.
What if you thought, “Feelings aren’t fact” as often as you did “I’m anxious about driving”?
What if you thought it MORE?
You are who you THINK you are.
See, that’s another one of those good sentences…
Vatsla Kohli | Jul 23, 2008 | Reply
HI Rich,
I just started reading your program that my significant other downloaded for me. I have developed a strange driving phobia 6 months ago and I feel like I am going to lose control of the vehicle since its moving at a fast speed and since its so much bigger than I am.
I read the first 30 pages of the program and practiced telling myself that fear is an irrational reaction when cars some near me. I have seen a slight improvements since and have been more ready to get in the car and go.
Rich Presta | Jul 23, 2008 | Reply
Good job, just stick with it!
It takes practice, not just reading
Rich
Joan | Jul 23, 2008 | Reply
I have dealt with my anxiety for almost 2 years now and I m so embarrassed that I can’t travel to places that I want to go to. As I drive and battle my fear I look at the other drivers around me and wonder what makes so different? I have seen people eat, read, on the phone and women put on make up while driving. Not what they do is safe, but I just have a rough time just driving.