The Big Difference Between You and A Tree
Posted by Rich Presta on 06/30/08 in Uncategorized
Hi Again,
As you may have read last time I emailed, my wife and I were recently fortunate enough to have been blessed with a healthy baby boy with a tremendous set of nighttime lungs. The week after we had him, we had a death in the family which took me back to the city I came from originally, and although tragic, there’s something to be learned from the experience…
If you know my story with the fear of driving, you know that for a long time (years), my fear and I were mishandled by therapists and physicians and instead of my anxiety getting better, it gradually got worse until I was confined to a self imposed prison of about a mile from my house.
One of the things that was within my driving comfort zone was a really good local library, and I would spend hours sitting in an old hardback wooden chair overlooking the river, reading book after book trying to figure out how to overcome my fears. I eventually did, and that was the start of the Driving Fear Program, but it was a long, depressing, and difficult period of my life, one I’ll never forget, no matter how much I want to sometimes.
While driving to the funeral home last week, I had to pass that very library I spent so many hours. For some reason, it kind of symbolizes that chapter of my life for me. To say it made me reflect is an huge understatement.
Here’s a picture of it:
I saw the bench overlooking the river I’d sit on sometimes, wondering what I did to deserve the fear and asking if it would ever end, if I’d ever be normal and lead a normal life.I remembered vividly the feelings I used to have while I was there – loneliness, overwhelm, even terror of what the future held.But then I saw something else…
I looked in the rear view mirror and saw a completely different person looking back than used to sit on that bench and curse fate.
I saw my wife next to me, two car seats in the back of the car, and realized that I had just driven three hours to get there and never once had even the slightest twinge of anxiety about it.
I realized that I changed.
It was like coming full circle. I said a silent good-bye to the library, and I know I can leave those memories with it, I don’t need them anymore. I’m not who I was then. I’m not scared. Not hopeless. I changed. A lot.
And you can too.
No matter where you are in your life right now, if you don’t like it, you can change it. You’re not a tree.
It may not be easy all the time, or as fast as you want, but you don’t have to settle for it.
Hell, you SHOULDN’T settle for it.
I can’t tell you how completely turned around my life has become since I used to sit in that dingy old musty library. I want to hate every minute I spent there, every panic attack and tear I shed about my fear.
But I can’t.
Because without it I may not be where or who I am now. And I like who and where I am now.
Without that building being there, within that mile of home (not coincidently I don’t think), there wouldn’t be the Driving Fear Program. And without it, there would be a LOT of people still struggling like I was. If I had to suffer during that time so I could help hundreds of others like you overcome their fear, I’ll take it. Deal.
Who knows what having your fear will mean for you long term? Maybe it will make you look at life differently, or make you want to take another path. Maybe it will make you appreciate being free more when you overcome it. It will certainly make you stronger. I guess what I’m saying is there may be a reason for this, there was for me. And that your fear doesn’t have to be permanent.
When you’re ready to change, you can. You won’t even have to sit in a old library trying to find the answers like I did, it’s all right here:
Go change.
Rich
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sheria | Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
hello
just like to say congratulations to you both on the safe arvel of your son hop he brings much happy times all the best
Christine | Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
And I appreciate it a LOT!!
All the best,
Christine.
Lupe Arim-Law | Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Nice story. Thank you so much for sharing it. I completely relate to your story. Congratulations on your son.
I have changed a lot these past 13 years all for the better and I couldn’t be happier, but this fear thing grew. It grew out of a one-upon-a-time, misdiagnosed physical problem. My condition was cured 8 years ago so I really have nothing to be afraid of. Intellectually I know that, but I hate that anxiety feeling, so….well you know the rest of the story.
As most of us who have this problem do, I think about it daily and pray that I won’t feel that anxiety ever again. Because of you I now understand that it’s not the driving I’m afraid of, but it’s the feeling of anxiety/fear. You are so right. I visualize myself letting go and I know I’m changing. I feel it. I know someday very soon I won’t think about the journey any more only the destination.
Next week I have a trip to pick-up my teen son who has been visiting his father. It’s a 3 hour round trip. I’ll have my two younger kids with me and I know I’ll be fine. I’ve been asking friends to join me, without telling them why, but I want to do it alone. I know I have nothing to be afraid of. I must do it.
Thank you for being there.
Lupe
Nicky | Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Sometimes, I feel so hopeless and angry at how my driving fear has manifested into major crisis and constrain on my life. The fear is keeping me from moving on!
Jules | Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Congratulations on your new-to-the-world healthy baby boy!
And thank you so much for sharing your story. It brought tears to my eyes - from two perspectives - relating fully to it and the sadness that comes with it - as well as tears of joy for the hope it gives.
Thank you so much for what you do,
Jules
Sarah | Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Congratulations on the new addition! That is a touching story, thank you for sharing it. Thanks for sticking with all of us, you are appreciated.
Roberta | Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Thank you for always sharing the moments of your life. Your thoughts and experiences are presented in such a way that makes me hopeful and much less fearful. I appreciate it so very much!
Rosie | Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Congratulation on the arrival of your baby boy.Thanks once again for all you do. This fear thing is really driving me crazy, but as you know I am taking it one day at a time and hope I can overcome it. Thanks again for all yor encouragement.
Janis E. Mousa | Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
I have just begun your program. I am making a little progress. The skills are helping me. I combine them with meditation and of course relaxation. I have had problems with driving freeways, highways, over bridges an overpasses for 20 years. I have tried everything including 13 years of therapy. I am a supervising registered nurse with a Masters Degree. I have only been able to work in the city where I live and I cannot drive anywhere outside of this city to visit others or seek entertainment If your program works, I will owe you my life.
Rich Presta | Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Thanks everybody for all the kind words, it’s my pleasure to be there for all of you, it’s truly a privilege.
Janis,
The program works if you let it and DO what it teaches. You won’t owe me anything, all I do is draw the map, you take the journey on your own and only you deserve the credit.
Rich
Lin | Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Hey Rich!
Your words are so encouraging. Although my fear isn’t exactly gone but I believe one day it will be gone. Like you said, I’m not no tree. Change will happen to anyone thats only if your willing to fight. Fight is what I’m willing to do!
Thanks,
Kim | Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Janis, I am also working on my fears of freeways, bridges and overpasses. I work within my “comfort zone” as well and I’ve been working hard to make a practice run on the freeway every couple of days. The progress for me is slow but it is happening. Those baby steps are beginning to help! Good luck and I hope you can break out of your comfort zone too.
jan | Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
I was moved with your struggle. we can all relate. I am glad we are not alone for sometimes, it feels so lonely and hopeless. thanks for your encouraging words. I wept.
Joan | Jul 5, 2008 | Reply
Although I have not reached total “freedom” Rich’s story gives me hope and does not let me lose sight of the light at the end of my tunnel. My 1 1/2 hour ride home from work is now 25 minutes. I no longer fear or feel the anxiety when car is traveling behind me. I know I might never feel “ready” but I keep adding rings each day and know before I know it I will drive through and reach the light t the end of my tunnel. Thank you Rich for reminding me that I am not alone.